MY STORY...

MY STORY...

MY HEALTH

MY HEALTH

I got sick when I was 17. I was a punky teenager who could barely walk all the way to school without a rest, let alone dance at a gig all night. I went to a doctor, who diagnosed “girl problems”… and another, who diagnosed “stress”… and another (“too fat”) and another (“needs to exercise”)… 

 

For 13 years, I saw a revolving door of GPs and every one of them dismissed me as a neurotic girl. Highly strung. Oversensitive.  No help, despite the pain and the distress I was experiencing on a daily basis.

BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT #1

BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT #1

Finally I found someone who would listen. Wonderful Dr Kate, who listened about my life, and my health, and helped me get some answers. 

 

I have systemic lupus erythematosus (which is doctor speak for “wonky immune system that attacks its own body”). The years of living with pain also gave me fibromyalgia. Dr Kate prescribed me big changes (and drugs!) 

MY TRAUMA

MY TRAUMA

I haven’t always had the best (or even passable) taste in partners. Male or female, I’ve picked some people that should have stayed firmly on the shelf. I went looking for love in all the wrong places, because deep down I was looking for safety. I wanted marriage, kids, respectability - the whole shebang. 

 

To be completely honest with you, I’ve lived through relationships I didn’t think I would survive. I’ve been emotionally and psychologically abused. I’ve been sexually assaulted. I’ve been raped. I’ve made myself microscopic to make other people satisfied, and learned their “rules” to survive. 

BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT #2

BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT #2

I began to open up about what my life had been like. Slowly at first, to one trusted friend, then a few more, then my family. My medical team referred me to my local Women’s Aid service, and I learned what abuse and interpersonal trauma actually is. It’s a relationship - any relationship - where someone puts you down, belittles you, controls you, scares you or hurts you.

 

The moment that sticks with me the longest is looking in the mirror and feeling completely cut off from the person I saw. Sad. Sick. Faking a personality for outside consumption. I didn’t know which thoughts belonged to me, and which had been put into my head by one of the people who treated me badly. I felt crazy. I had lost all trust in myself. I was lost.

MY TRANSFORMATION

MY TRANSFORMATION

So. I needed big changes, and I got a few. I followed my new medication plan.  I attended a support group run by my local Women’s Aid. I found somewhere new to live, just me and my (very chonky) cat. I stopped putting myself in harm’s way. I survived, but I wasn’t living. 

 

Then one ridiculously sunny day in the local park, my bestie accidentally changed my life. She showed me the website for the One of Many organisation. I approached them with a hefty dose of fear - I was queer, disabled and very fragile - I felt alone, not one of a tribe. This wasn’t for me. 

 

Only it was. I found people like me. People with their own pain, and heartbreaks, and trauma. The tools shared with us felt like actual magic. We were guided along the path from disempowered to powerful. From scared to vibrantly alive. My coach showed me more about how to live fully and authentically in 12 weeks than I learned in the previous 28 years. 

 

Now, I’m healthier, happier, and joyfully ME.

I’m not going to front and say that every day is blissful - I still have bad days, and bad moods. My body is still unruly, and it might always be. Life is messy, unpredictable and wonderfully weird. 

 

What I have now is a toolkit full of strategies to live a remarkable life. I know how to spot my unhelpful patterns, and make a thoughtful, powerful choice to act. I can put boundaries in place, and stick to them. I created a network of people who see the real me and love me, spiky edges and all. 

 

The tools that I offer now are the same ones that saved me. I’m so excited to share them with you. 

If what you’ve read resonates with you, here are two easy steps you can take today:

 

It’s time to take control of your future

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